Spotting the Coach'S Wife

From one coach's wife to another it's easy for us to spot one another. While we may be opponents on the field, coach's wives understand that we are  all on the same team. My last post was directed towards watching what you say in the stands because you just might be sitting next to a group of wives. So how do you know if you're sitting amidst that stellar group of ladies? Well, I'll share a few thoughts about that...

A coach's wife will always be in the stands without her husband. Some games she will be surrounded by family members who are joining her in support of her husband and other games she will be juggling the wild little ones single handedly. It's a safe bet that if you find yourself surrounded by a group of women who aren't with their husbands, they are the coach's wives.

A coach's wife will be over prepared to sit through a four hour game with little ones. She will be juggling toddlers, toys, and snacks. We are lucky at our current school in that we can sit in the end zone while the little ones run around in the grassy area. This is truly a blessing.

A coach's wife will be in the stands cheering even if it's the fourth quarter and the team is down 20+ points. She will also still be cheering in the stands when the team is up 20+ points. That's what separates us from "fans." We stay and cheer through the good, bad, and the ugly. You will also notice that Wives cheer with class and tact. They won't berate the players or the coaches when plays aren't being executed well, when tackles are being missed, or when passes are being intercepted. A coach's wife will always keep it positive in the stands. It can be pouring rain, and a coach's wife will still be in the stands supporting her husband.

A coach's wife will cheer for players by name, so if someone is cheering for your boyfriend, son, or cousin don't take offense. I've heard stories about player girlsfriends giving a wife terrible looks because she was cheering for the kid. We're all on the same team here ladies. Most wives understand that we have our family and then we have our football family. Your son, nephew, cousin, boyfriend is a part of that family. A coach's wife will love and support them as if he were her own.

A coach's wife will be exhausted from holding down the fort, yet she will always be smiling and in good spirits in the stands, even if fans are bad mouthing the coaches or players. She will smile and take the high road no matter how hard that may be. At times we might make this coaching life look easy, but some days are definitely harder than others.

Being a coach's wife isn't for the faint of heart. This season in particular is giving me a run for my money. We support our husbands and we enjoy watching them be able to do what they love. If you find yourself in the stands next to a group of women and their kids are driving you crazy, have some patience. Even better, lend a hand. Please don't stare in judgement and get angry because her kids are "disrupting" your peaceful game experience. They are there to support their daddy and husband, just like you're there to support your son, nephew, or cousin.

Yet again, as we are now several weeks into the season, I urge you to be mindful of your words in the stands. You just might be sitting right next to the coach's wife.

Mrs. Coach H

When talking to a coach's wife, Watch your words.

As coach's wives we understand certain "perks" that come with the job. Some of these perks are great, and some are not so. I am a very outspoken person, who is going to share my opinion whether you want to hear it or not. So believe me I get it, that fans have opinions. While I understand that football fans are entitled to their opinions, sometimes a little courtesy goes a long way. Choose your words wisely. Words do have power. If I had a quarter for every time a fellow wife said, "don't listen to them, they don't understand the football life," I would be one rich lady. However, sometimes there are just things you shouldn't say to a coach's wife. There are some things that you don't need to scream in the stands, because sometimes that coach's wife might be sitting right next to you. So I encourage you to choose your words.

Nonetheless, here are some things to avoid saying to a coach's wife.

1. "(coach) needs fired." No. No. No. Just no. Coaching families know and understand all to well that if you don't win, you get fired. There is no reason for "fans' to call for a man's job. If it's a new coach, you can't expect him to come in a have a winning program. Those things take time. Especially at the collegiate level- it's all about recruiting and building relationships. A coach needs TIME to do that and one season is not enough time. This is not little league, where coach's volunteer their time. Coaching is their career. It is our family's livelihood and how we survive. Even if you're not directly speaking about our husband, firing a head coach usually means the entire staff gets cleaned out. So next time you want to call for a man's job, think about that first.

2. "Why is coach not playing (a certain player)?" Fans in the stands and parents of players often scream and yell about why  a certain player isn't starting or getting any play time. There is a lot a prep that goes into gameday and every coach, every program has different expectations for those players. If those aren't met, a player may not play that week. Parents and fans don't know the day-to-day inter-workings of a team, so it's unfair for you to call out a coach for not playing who you think he should.

3. "Why are we running the same play over and over, with no results?" I can assure you that coaches spend countless hours during the week watching film and prepping for their upcoming opponent. If they are running a certain play, it's for a reason. Unless you spent 20-30 hours the week prior watching game film, it's best for you to keep your commentary to yourself.

4. "It's just a game. We can always win next week." Yes, football is just a game, for fans. For a coaching family football is much more than a game. Football is life for a coaching family. A challenging season with more losses than wins, can mean no job for a coach. So it's more than just a game.

5. "I hope you make it home for Christmas this year." I know my family doesn't mean anything negative by this, but with all due respect, we hope we don't see you for Christmas. It's not because we don't miss you or we just don't want to. We would just rather be celebrating a winning season with post-season play. At the collegiate level, if you can make it home for Christmas then you generally didn't have a successful season.

6. "As your kids get older, your husband can't keep coaching and moving. It's not good for them." Ahhhh... the beauty about football is that our home is wherever football takes us. Kids are resilient. Coach's kids, I believe, are even more resilient. They begin to understand that moving is just part of the life. My kids love going to the field with dad. They love playing around and chasing players and the players love my kids. As our kids grow it might get more difficult to make every move with coach, but for now we take it one season at a time.

7. "It must be nice to coach a few practices and win a few games" Oh dear fans, coach's work 80-90 hours a week and then some! There is much more to gameday than a few practices. Coach's sacrifice time with their wives and kids, so that they can build relationships with players. They make sacrifices with their families so that they can be the best coach for their program.

As a coaching family we sign up for all that comes with the job- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Every season brings its own challenges and as wives we do our best to smile and face them head-on. There are moments when I am more adult and I keep my thoughts to myself and then there are moments when I want to turn to the ignorant fan next to me and punch them in the face. I can promise you that no one in that stadium wants a win more than the coaches and players. They have worked hours on end to prepare for the game.

So yes college football fans, you are more than entitled to have an opinion about a coach or the game he's calling, but it never hurts to practice some kindness and courtesy. Choose your words and be mindful who you are speaking those words to. Understand that coach's wives keep their circle small, and for good reason. I'm slowly learning this and most of the women I interact with are fellow coach's wives. So don't be offended if you get unfriended or I just don't talk to you at a game- it just might be because you didn't choose your words carefully the week before.

Surviving Football with Littles!

Looking at the calendar, football season is upon us. For many young children, attending their first football game is a rite of passage. That is unless you're a coach's kid and you've been attending football games since you were in the womb. It's no secret that the season can be a challenge when you have a little one running around, especially if that little one has multiplied into more than one!

In all honesty, there are times when it's hard to enjoy the season when you're juggling little ones, taking care of the house, and working full time. In my community of coach's wives, I have people ask all the time how do you navigate the chaos of the season with kids. My answer, you just have to find what works for you. Having been at the Division I level for three seasons, I can tell you that what works for you at one school may not work for you at the next school. We are currently at a smaller Division II school now, so I have found a little more freedom.

Nonetheless, I would like to offer some of my life saving hacks on surviving the season, with a smile, and two little boys.

1. Enjoy summer and the downtime. 

We enjoy a lot of time as a family before camp starts. You can make this small activities around town and simply having family game nights or movie nights at home. You can also take one last weekend getaway before football steals daddy away.

2. Communicate with your kids.

My five year old is gaining a better understanding of what it means when camp rolls in and the season starts. It helps him to enjoy the time that he does get to see dad. 

3. Take the kids to see coach as much as your time, and his time, allows.

Towards the end of camp I always take the kids up to watch practice and see dad. My boys love being around the team and at the field. The last Sunday of camp the team attends church and we also go. It just another moment for our family to bond with our football family. If my boys are really missing dad and it's been a few days since they've seen him, we pop in the office and just visit for a little bit. They get just enough of dad time to fill their love tanks and then they are happy campers again.

4. Set up play dates.

If you have other wives on staff with young children, set up play dates! Enjoy the adult conversation and the time to unwind.

5. Set a routine. Live the routine. 

As any parent knows, children flourish on structure. Fall camp means back to school as well, so when camp starts, we start our back to school schedules. Our evenings fall back into the usual regimen:gym(for mom of course), dinner, bath, bedtime. This can prove challenging during the season because sometimes they want to stay up to see daddy, but I try to stay consistent with bedtimes. As I mentioned earlier, if dad has made it home three nights in a row without seeing the boys then we will make a visit to the office and see dad.

Now, switching gears, lets talk about hanging with little during the season!

Here are some life hacks on handling football games with littles, like a boss!

1. If your children are young, invest in noise cancelling headphones. As the season progresses and it gets cooler you can swap out headphones for ear muffs or neoprene headbands. Both of these will provide noise reduction as well as keep the ears warm.

2. Dress for the weather.

When the season begins, we are usually plagued with smoldering hot conditions! Kids need sunscreen and hats. I also dress mine in dri-fit so they stay cool. As the weather cools off, be prepared for cooler temps. At kick off it might be sunny and 78, but as the sun goes down and it cools off to the 50s or 60s, chances are that you'll need a jacket or long pants for the littles. 

3. If you don't have stadium seating, invest in a good set of stadium seat pads! They will change your life! Especially when that one year old starts to snooze during the fourth quarter and you need to lean back.

4. Fill the sleep tanks!

If we have an early kick off I will wake the boys up early so that they can take an earlier nap. If we don't kick until 6:00, I let the boys sleep in later thus they take later naps. Nap time is everything and we never miss a nap time on a Saturday. 

5. Snacks/Drinks

Pack snacks and drinks! I know this luxury isn't an option for everyone, but if your stadium has more lenient rules then take advantage! I use a plastic container with compartments. You can find these at Hobby Lobby and Joann's. They make packing snacks so easy!

6. Electronics

I pack iPads for a security measure. Just in case we get antsy, I can put on Netflix and they're manageable for another good hour or so.

7. Help kiddos understand the game.

Our oldest is five now and he's taking more of interest in the game. This gives us a chance to bond and they learn about what daddy does all day. We read children's books about football so we can talk about what is happening on the field. One day he will impress his daddy with all his knowledge. 

8. Avoid strollers.

On a regular day, I am all about strollers. However they are not ideal for a stadium. If you have young little ones, I would suggest baby wearing. If you've never worn your baby, this is a good time to start! Your hands are free. Baby is usually pretty happy being snuggled up to mom. You don't have to worry about an escape from the stroller. (Side note: both of my boys were Houdini when it came to getting out of their strollers.)

If you see a fellow coach's wife struggling to wrangle in her herd at games, lend her a hand. She may not thank you immediately but in her heart she will! The saying holds, "it takes a village." It truly does and in coaching, your football family is your family. 

Jesus said LOVE.

When I first decided to create a blog, I never imagined I would be sitting here deciphering my emotions towards all the violence that is happening around us. Every post I've ever written has been about our awesome life in the fabulous world of football, but today is a little different.

My husband will tell you that I spend too much time on social media, and well, I can agree with that. With that said, I sit behind this computer screen with a heavy heart today. I think our nation as a whole has a heavy heart today.

As a white woman, I have a different perspective to the systemic race problem our nation faces. It's not just against blacks, but every minority race. As a white woman married to a black man, and raising young mixed boys into strong black men, I have an even different perspective.

Life is all about perspective and point of view. No two people's lives are the same. No two people react to a situation the same. No two people face the same struggles.

America, we lack perspective. We lack understanding and compassion. We lack empathy. We lack love. Jesus said love.

While I, like every other American, do not know every fact of the Alton Sterling shooting or the Philando Castile shootoings, I do several other facts.

Fact #1: RACIAL PROFILING IS REAL.
Racial profiling happens every day- both subconsciously and consciously.
America racially profiles Blacks, Muslims, Hispanics, Asians. Your very own Donald Trump racially profiles Hispanics. It happens. Understand that. Accept that and then we can move forward with change.

Studies show that police are more likely to pull over and frisk blacks or Latinos than whites. In New York City, 80% of the stops made were blacks and Latinos, and 85% of those people were frisked, compared to a mere 8% of white people stopped. THAT is racial profiling!

Fact #2

In 2012, 51% of Americans expressed anti-black sentiments in a poll; a 3% increase from 2008. Now, I am not a math person, but I do know that more than half of our nation has issues with Black America. I would feel safe in assuming that if they have those sentiments towards Blacks then they have the same feelings toward other minorities.

Fact #3

The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics concluded that an African American male born in 2001 has a 32% chance of going to jail in his lifetime, while a Latino male has a 17% chance, and a white male only has a 6% chance. Since I have two young boys, this stat really hits home. No, I don't need your sympathy or compassion. My boys have a good father. As parents we will raise our children and we will teach them respect, integrity, and character. However, that does not change the fact that they are 26% more likely to see jail time over a white kid. Black males lose their life and get incarcerated unjustly based on the color of their skin, their sagging pants, their "gang" tattoos EVERY SINGLE DAY. That is not to say that it doesn't happen to every other race, but it a greater percentage among the black community.

For you to deny that this exists in our nation, is pure ignorance on your part.

Fact #4:

Our nation needs more compassion and love. Yes, white people can sympathize and have compassion for Black America;, however, it is impossible to understand their feelings and their lives if you are white in America. 

Former house speaker Newt Gingrich summed up my thinking nicely. Here is an excerpt of his thoughts. The full article is linked below.

"It took me a long time, and a number of people talking to me through the years to get a sense of this," said Gingrich, who served as speaker from 1990 until 1995 and who represented an Atlanta-area congressional district for two decades.

"If you are a normal white American, the truth is you don’t understand being black in America," he said.

White Americans "instinctively underestimate the level of discrimination and the level of additional risk," he said.

LA Times: Newt Gingrich

Now as a coach's wife, I spend a lot of my time with black athletes and love each one as my own. I hear their stories and watch as people in their community racially profile them based on skin color. I watch them act in certain ways that they are "expected" to act based on the color of their skin.

If you missed Jesse William's speech from the BET Awards, I would recommend giving it a listen. Jesse William Speech

In closing yes all lives matter, but don't get on a soap box for #alllivesmatter when you never acknowledged #blacklivesmatter. If you support #alllivesmatter then you should support #blacklivesmatter and #policelivesmatter. Don't assume that racism is history when it is in our present and sadly will be in our future. 

The beautiful things about our nation, we have the freedom to have differing perspectives. With that freedom, we must learn to respect the opinions of others.