Spotting the Coach'S Wife

From one coach's wife to another it's easy for us to spot one another. While we may be opponents on the field, coach's wives understand that we are  all on the same team. My last post was directed towards watching what you say in the stands because you just might be sitting next to a group of wives. So how do you know if you're sitting amidst that stellar group of ladies? Well, I'll share a few thoughts about that...

A coach's wife will always be in the stands without her husband. Some games she will be surrounded by family members who are joining her in support of her husband and other games she will be juggling the wild little ones single handedly. It's a safe bet that if you find yourself surrounded by a group of women who aren't with their husbands, they are the coach's wives.

A coach's wife will be over prepared to sit through a four hour game with little ones. She will be juggling toddlers, toys, and snacks. We are lucky at our current school in that we can sit in the end zone while the little ones run around in the grassy area. This is truly a blessing.

A coach's wife will be in the stands cheering even if it's the fourth quarter and the team is down 20+ points. She will also still be cheering in the stands when the team is up 20+ points. That's what separates us from "fans." We stay and cheer through the good, bad, and the ugly. You will also notice that Wives cheer with class and tact. They won't berate the players or the coaches when plays aren't being executed well, when tackles are being missed, or when passes are being intercepted. A coach's wife will always keep it positive in the stands. It can be pouring rain, and a coach's wife will still be in the stands supporting her husband.

A coach's wife will cheer for players by name, so if someone is cheering for your boyfriend, son, or cousin don't take offense. I've heard stories about player girlsfriends giving a wife terrible looks because she was cheering for the kid. We're all on the same team here ladies. Most wives understand that we have our family and then we have our football family. Your son, nephew, cousin, boyfriend is a part of that family. A coach's wife will love and support them as if he were her own.

A coach's wife will be exhausted from holding down the fort, yet she will always be smiling and in good spirits in the stands, even if fans are bad mouthing the coaches or players. She will smile and take the high road no matter how hard that may be. At times we might make this coaching life look easy, but some days are definitely harder than others.

Being a coach's wife isn't for the faint of heart. This season in particular is giving me a run for my money. We support our husbands and we enjoy watching them be able to do what they love. If you find yourself in the stands next to a group of women and their kids are driving you crazy, have some patience. Even better, lend a hand. Please don't stare in judgement and get angry because her kids are "disrupting" your peaceful game experience. They are there to support their daddy and husband, just like you're there to support your son, nephew, or cousin.

Yet again, as we are now several weeks into the season, I urge you to be mindful of your words in the stands. You just might be sitting right next to the coach's wife.

Mrs. Coach H

When talking to a coach's wife, Watch your words.

As coach's wives we understand certain "perks" that come with the job. Some of these perks are great, and some are not so. I am a very outspoken person, who is going to share my opinion whether you want to hear it or not. So believe me I get it, that fans have opinions. While I understand that football fans are entitled to their opinions, sometimes a little courtesy goes a long way. Choose your words wisely. Words do have power. If I had a quarter for every time a fellow wife said, "don't listen to them, they don't understand the football life," I would be one rich lady. However, sometimes there are just things you shouldn't say to a coach's wife. There are some things that you don't need to scream in the stands, because sometimes that coach's wife might be sitting right next to you. So I encourage you to choose your words.

Nonetheless, here are some things to avoid saying to a coach's wife.

1. "(coach) needs fired." No. No. No. Just no. Coaching families know and understand all to well that if you don't win, you get fired. There is no reason for "fans' to call for a man's job. If it's a new coach, you can't expect him to come in a have a winning program. Those things take time. Especially at the collegiate level- it's all about recruiting and building relationships. A coach needs TIME to do that and one season is not enough time. This is not little league, where coach's volunteer their time. Coaching is their career. It is our family's livelihood and how we survive. Even if you're not directly speaking about our husband, firing a head coach usually means the entire staff gets cleaned out. So next time you want to call for a man's job, think about that first.

2. "Why is coach not playing (a certain player)?" Fans in the stands and parents of players often scream and yell about why  a certain player isn't starting or getting any play time. There is a lot a prep that goes into gameday and every coach, every program has different expectations for those players. If those aren't met, a player may not play that week. Parents and fans don't know the day-to-day inter-workings of a team, so it's unfair for you to call out a coach for not playing who you think he should.

3. "Why are we running the same play over and over, with no results?" I can assure you that coaches spend countless hours during the week watching film and prepping for their upcoming opponent. If they are running a certain play, it's for a reason. Unless you spent 20-30 hours the week prior watching game film, it's best for you to keep your commentary to yourself.

4. "It's just a game. We can always win next week." Yes, football is just a game, for fans. For a coaching family football is much more than a game. Football is life for a coaching family. A challenging season with more losses than wins, can mean no job for a coach. So it's more than just a game.

5. "I hope you make it home for Christmas this year." I know my family doesn't mean anything negative by this, but with all due respect, we hope we don't see you for Christmas. It's not because we don't miss you or we just don't want to. We would just rather be celebrating a winning season with post-season play. At the collegiate level, if you can make it home for Christmas then you generally didn't have a successful season.

6. "As your kids get older, your husband can't keep coaching and moving. It's not good for them." Ahhhh... the beauty about football is that our home is wherever football takes us. Kids are resilient. Coach's kids, I believe, are even more resilient. They begin to understand that moving is just part of the life. My kids love going to the field with dad. They love playing around and chasing players and the players love my kids. As our kids grow it might get more difficult to make every move with coach, but for now we take it one season at a time.

7. "It must be nice to coach a few practices and win a few games" Oh dear fans, coach's work 80-90 hours a week and then some! There is much more to gameday than a few practices. Coach's sacrifice time with their wives and kids, so that they can build relationships with players. They make sacrifices with their families so that they can be the best coach for their program.

As a coaching family we sign up for all that comes with the job- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Every season brings its own challenges and as wives we do our best to smile and face them head-on. There are moments when I am more adult and I keep my thoughts to myself and then there are moments when I want to turn to the ignorant fan next to me and punch them in the face. I can promise you that no one in that stadium wants a win more than the coaches and players. They have worked hours on end to prepare for the game.

So yes college football fans, you are more than entitled to have an opinion about a coach or the game he's calling, but it never hurts to practice some kindness and courtesy. Choose your words and be mindful who you are speaking those words to. Understand that coach's wives keep their circle small, and for good reason. I'm slowly learning this and most of the women I interact with are fellow coach's wives. So don't be offended if you get unfriended or I just don't talk to you at a game- it just might be because you didn't choose your words carefully the week before.